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The Elliot Ness monster.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

Fish mobsters.

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

The Investigation

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

'Make it look like an accident.'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

Fake Counterfeit Money

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'