Detective Story Aficionado Gifts

"Asparagus, insurance detective. You died and we paid your life insurance and suddenly you rise from the dead?! That's what I'd call insurance fraud, Mr Jesus!"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Marriage Crash Investigation

Justice

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

Benjamin Bunny re-writes Beatrix Potter

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"I almost got away with it! Then somebody called in the SWAT team!"

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

Fake Counterfeit Money

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"