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"Asparagus, insurance detective. You died and we paid your life insurance and suddenly you rise from the dead?! That's what I'd call insurance fraud, Mr Jesus!"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Marriage Crash Investigation

Justice

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

Fish mobsters.

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

Benjamin Bunny re-writes Beatrix Potter

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Fake Counterfeit Money

Al Pacino

"I almost got away with it! Then somebody called in the SWAT team!"

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."