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Schlock Holmes

"You're gonna be happy to learn your husband's annual overnight disappearances have a perfectly innocent explanation, Mrs. Claus."

'Have we found a scandal in here?'

"I thought we agreed I was the bad cop this week."

'The one in the middle is kind of cute!'

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

"It's all in the report: your biological father is a former racing champion now living in a stud farm in New Mexico. . ."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Joan Hickson

The Elliot Ness monster.

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Detective and child follow footprints using magnifying glasses.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"That's hardly necessary!"

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

'..It's just that with all your amazing powers of deduction and elimination, Holmes, I'm just a little surprised that the best solution you can come up with for seeing off the hound of the Baskervilles, is to 'chase them across the moors with a hoover. up

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

"Homes on Holmes"

Mystery of the Poets

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

Illustration for 'The Notting Hill Mystery'. (woman pulled out of the river).