Marital Discourse Enthusiast Gifts

"Gays and lesbians aren't a threat to the sanctity of my marriage. It's all the straight women who sleep with my husband."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"No heroic measures."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

Gender Symbols

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Do you agree with Rudy Giuliani? He said the president doesn't love America, because he's always apologizing for it and finding fault with it. Thoughts? *Actual reader question. Sounds EXACTLY like love to me. My husband would disagree, but don't mind him, he's just a quarrelsome know-it-all. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"I married for contrast."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"