Marital Discourse Enthusiast Pillows

"Gays and lesbians aren't a threat to the sanctity of my marriage. It's all the straight women who sleep with my husband."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"No heroic measures."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

Gender Symbols

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"I married for contrast."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"