Marriage Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'Keep off.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"I married for contrast."