Marriage Banter Gifts

'I must be in my second childhood -- my wife keeps sending me to bed without supper.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Remember, they're just as afraid of you as you are of standing up to your mother."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"Sure, you're an elephant, but you're not at all elephantine."

'I wish to lose all excess weight.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I don't like this hot dish."

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

Your nose used to light up and buzz when I touched you.

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"This better work out."

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

"Where has the magic gone, George?"

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"

"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you never see him again."