Marital Banter Appreciator Gifts

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Touché"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Well, first of all, he can't find anything, ever. I have to find the man's socks, his toothbrush

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'Dear Henry, and dear Liza, for the sake of the relationship, just buy a new bucket!'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'I wish to lose all excess weight.'

Hypnotizing Women

"I don't like this hot dish."

"'Till death do you part?"

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"Where has the magic gone, George?"