Marriage Banter Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Keep off.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"No heroic measures."

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

Gender Symbols

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"I married for contrast."