Marital Dispute Gifts

"If I wanted to be gone, Deborah, I'd be gone."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

Diplomacy

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'Stay, Rusty!'

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."