Marital Spats Gifts

'You're totally unreasonable.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Diplomacy

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'Stay, Rusty!'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."