Marital Spat Gifts

"You can't buy forgiveness with airline miles, Charles."

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

Diplomacy

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'Stay, Rusty!'

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'We need to talk.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'It's a surprise for my husband, he isn't going.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

'He left me five minutes after he got his new National Health glasses.'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

"Sorry. No refunds."

'He left me for a guy. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.'

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Your wife said 'Shoot the clown of all I care.' But I'm sure can negotiate there."

"After 40 years of marriage, she told me I had "husband ears" and left!"