Marital Spat Resolution Gifts

"I wish you'd talk to me, instead of just giving me that blank look!"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

Diplomacy

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'We need to talk.'

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

"Well. Firstly, I can't take the case because I'm not a divorce lawyer and secondly, I'm your husband."

'I told my wife that I didn't buy her chocolates because she'd put on a bit of weight...how many roses do you think it will take before she lets me back into the house?'

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"You said it. I heard it. There's no taking it back, Harold!"

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

"May I assume you want separate checks?"

"I'll leave, Margaret, but I won't get lost."

'There's too much Mahler in our marriage. We need some Mozart!'

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"

"I'm sorry-I'm not in the mood for whatever you're in the mood for."

Henry Adams was very good at his job (marriage counselor).

'Enough frank and honest talk. Let's go back to hypocrisy and dishonest talk.'

'Believe me, it ain't easy being married to this lazy, lyin' sack of s**t!'

'Dave, you've been angry at me for twenty years. Can we talk?'

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

"Quit asking if I'm O.K. If I'm ever O.K., I'll let you know."

'And this is for couples who, whilst not actively seeking divorce, have agreed to keep apart by two chevrons.'