Marital Problem Resolution Gifts

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

Diplomacy

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'