Marital Problem Solver Gifts

"I haven't told Ed we're moving yet. And I may not bother."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'Save us!'

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'I kinda did.'

"No heroic measures."

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

Antimicrobial resistance

"Full moons were a problem but it's gotten a lot calmer since we installed the doggy door."

'And here's the little feller that'll have been the cause of all your problems. . .'

"I resent it when people come into complain about their spouses, especially when one is my husband."

"No one else, huh! So who the hell is sending you a pigeon at four in the morning?!"

Today, business expert, Professor Ernie, will answer questions. The first is from an upholsterer who has lots of business but loses money on every order. The problem is that you're covering everything except your costs! The owner of a baseball team wants to know if you he should re-sign the team's best player, the league leader in double and triples. I don't think he can afford the high base salary. And a perfume company is struggling to survive. Their strategy has been to only produce exo

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"There's some question as to how long we're going to be able to keep the lights on."

Helicopter as a clothes drier

"My marriage counselor recommended a long cooling-off period."

'What's happened to the romance in our marriage, John?'

"SUch stupid answers on this assignment! You should have helped him a little!"

"Sink's clogged again?"

'It's $50 for fixing the sink, and $300 for babysitting your husband.'

'Would it kill him to be on the bottom for once?'

'What do you mean we don't communicate? I sent you a tweet a week ago.'

'Nothing I do pleases my wife. I told her that I'm willing to discuss any subject - including our marriage - so long as the discourse remains superficial.'

"You don't qualify for a personal loan. I'd offer you some personal advice but you don't qualify for that either."

Pouring white wine onto a red wine stain will make it disappear. Too bad it doesn't happen to anything else.'

"Perhaps, in the name of mutual respect, you could call your husband something other than your minion."

'Well that's what you get for picking your scab. . .'