Marital Problem Resolution Mugs

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Will I still be married?'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

Diplomacy

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"