Marital Spats Pillows

'You're totally unreasonable.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Diplomacy

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'Stay, Rusty!'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."