Maintenance Humor Gifts

Strategic Wiper Adjustments: "Up just a tiddle..."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"I don't leave home without it!"

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

Lazy plumber.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Job complaints on road signs.

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'I think I've got a screw loose.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"I've developed a sporting way to administer the flu shot."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'May I have a glass of Perrier with a twist of lemon and a straw?'

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

Think Small.

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

"It's the online blood bank. Do we want to continue shopping?"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"