Humorist Mechanic Gifts

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Electric Blanket.

CLEAR!

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

Volkswagen Scandal

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

'Beware of SUV.'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

Every time one of us gets a new head, those two think it's funny to call it "the changing of the gourd."

"It's garage music."

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

Lucky car.

No Hand Signals

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

The Rarely Seen Gas-Powered Eel

'I think I found your missing nut.'

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

"..and I've recently had it converted to LGP"

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

'Batteries not included, it's a real cat.'

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"Instead of filling in all the pot holes, it’d be easier to lower the rest of the road."

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

"One CC of lubricant after meals, okay?"