Humorist Mechanic Gifts

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Electric Blanket.

CLEAR!

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'Beware of SUV.'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

"It's garage music."

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

Lucky car.

No Hand Signals

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

"Instead of filling in all the pot holes, it’d be easier to lower the rest of the road."

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

'Batteries not included, it's a real cat.'

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

'I think I found your missing nut.'

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"..and I've recently had it converted to LGP"

The Rarely Seen Gas-Powered Eel

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

"One CC of lubricant after meals, okay?"

Road rage in the car-to-car technology era.