Humorist Of The Mechanical Gifts

'Batteries not included, it's a real cat.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Electric Blanket.

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'I think I've got a screw loose.'

"It's garage music."

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

"One human arm torn off by a roomba - starting bid is 500 volts."

"What we need is a union."

Witness Protection Program

Robot's Coffee Break.

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

The Rarely Seen Gas-Powered Eel

'I think I found your missing nut.'

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

"One CC of lubricant after meals, okay?"

"Do you have anything in a smaller size?"

'Try it now.'

Voice-activated computer cannot distinguish between buy and sell.

"And I say they're girl bolts, cause guy bolts usually have two nuts."

Hammer chases nails

'I did it at the skill centre'

"Just what I thought... Bad shock absorbers."

"Soak your nuts in acetone every day for a week, and it should clear up as good as new."

'The middle one is cute.'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders.