Humorist Of The Mechanical Gifts

'Batteries not included, it's a real cat.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Electric Blanket.

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'I think I've got a screw loose.'

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

Every time one of us gets a new head, those two think it's funny to call it "the changing of the gourd."

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

"It's garage music."

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

"One human arm torn off by a roomba - starting bid is 500 volts."

"What we need is a union."

Witness Protection Program

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

The Rarely Seen Gas-Powered Eel

'I think I found your missing nut.'

Robot's Coffee Break.

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

"One CC of lubricant after meals, okay?"

'Try it now.'

"Do you have anything in a smaller size?"

Hammer chases nails

'I did it at the skill centre'

Voice-activated computer cannot distinguish between buy and sell.

"Just what I thought... Bad shock absorbers."

"And I say they're girl bolts, cause guy bolts usually have two nuts."

"Soak your nuts in acetone every day for a week, and it should clear up as good as new."

'The middle one is cute.'