Mechanic Humor Fan Gifts

Clancy: Coot of a Day

Electric Blanket.

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

'I think I've got a screw loose.'

"It's garage music."

I need a 10 foot board. That's 70 feet in dog feet.

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

"We know how to treat old or stubborn workers. After all, this is a dog food factory."

Every time one of us gets a new head, those two think it's funny to call it "the changing of the gourd."

'Is your security clearance top sacred?'

'Ring binders Direct' 'Ace Laxatives'

'It's my prostate.'

Men resting.

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

'I think I found your missing nut.'

'Batteries not included, it's a real cat.'

The Rarely Seen Gas-Powered Eel

'Don't be silly, Ralph...of course you're not being replaced by a computer...you're being replaced by an electric paper shredder.'

"One CC of lubricant after meals, okay?"

'Try it now.'

Say No To Crack.

Forklift truck

"The replacement part is $28, but cost will be $3,200 after we dismantle half the engine to install it."

"Just what I thought... Bad shock absorbers."

"So, that's twenty seven breakfast rolls, sixteen bacon sandwiches. . ."

'Reminds me, my urologist said there's something wrong with my plumbing.'

'We deal mostly in rolling stock...'

'Oh, here comes trouble - spanner enters workplace full of cogs!'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders.

'M.O.T. certificate?!...a death certificate's the best I can do.'

Car Carriage

Unnatural Food-nuts and bolts, sale on junk foods, rusty nuts, bolts, and screws.