Maintenance Humor Prints

Strategic Wiper Adjustments: "Up just a tiddle..."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"I don't leave home without it!"

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

Lazy plumber.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Job complaints on road signs.

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'I think I've got a screw loose.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

"It's the online blood bank. Do we want to continue shopping?"

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

Think Small.

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'