Love Cynic Gifts

Lady to man: 'Sure, I'll go out with you. My mom says I only date losers anyway.'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

'Tunnel of divorce'

"He finds it difficult to get in touch with his emotions."

"The journey of a thousand bad decisions begins with the first one, so let's get started."

Happy Valentines Day

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'Yeah, I think we have a future together. Would I write you a post-dated check for my half of the dinner if I didn't?'

"Will you call me?"

"Sorry, Sue . . . I just don't feel it."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"It was a misunderstanding. I thought I was buying all rights to her hand in matrimony, she thinks it was just first rights."

"I love you because you're unique."

"Believe me, unrequited was better."

"In the mid 60s I received both my draft card and a Valentine's Day card on February 14th. Being a conscientious objector to both love and war, I burned both cards."

Love Then and Now

"Sorry, Larry, you are Mr. Right, but not Mr. Right with stock options!"

'It's just a male thing - none of them can feign passion beyond the event horizon.'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"Would you do me the honor of giving me your hand in an illicit relationship."

Former Love Birds

"He gets jealous when other guys talk to me."

'I want you, My Darling!. . . I didn't want you for that long!!!'

Liar Bird, "Yeah of course I love you"

'He keeps pointing me out to his friends. Apparently, no one believed he'd ever find someone desperate enough.'

'...didn't send myself a Valentines Day card!'

Fo Fum Attorneys: 'And you can forget dating parties of the second part! They're nothing but trouble!'

'With Bob and me, it was indifference at first sight.'

'Translated, his 'I'll love you forever and always', meant, 'Until next Saturday'.'

John goes through a breakup with his data analyst girlfriend.

"It's over, Josh. Consider this our series finale."

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

Always Compatible

'I can always tell when he's lying - his lips move.'