Romance Cynic Gifts

'It's full of all sorts of complex exclusions and 'get out' clauses.'

"Darling, let's get divorced."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

Man holding sign that reads 'The end of your romance is nigh'.

'Yes, but at least I don't fake the whole relationship.'

'Tunnel of love rats'

'We can't go on meeting this way, Lloyd. . .my husband's getting suspicious.'

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Always Compatible

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

'Marry you? What's in it for me?'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Someday

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'