Romantic Cynic Gifts

"Not love. Targeted advertising."

"By the way, what's your position on some-sex marriage?"

'Thanks to the Web, I finally met an eligible bachelor - eligible for parole in three years.'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Never trust a man with testicles.'

The Devil breaking up with girlfriend, says: 'It's not you, it's me.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'I've been faking orgasms while he's been faking the long-term relationship.'

'Marry you? What's in it for me?'

'Yes, I'd love to go on a second honeymoon...but not with you.'

'I don't like these slushy movies. You know, never ending love and all that. Of course, this might be because I'm a divorce lawyer.'

Lovers Leap - "Sod that!"

'You remind me of my husband - He's hopeless in bed too!'

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

"I wasn't asking for all of the best years of her life-just a couple of good nights."

"I fell in love with your quirky air of unpredictability. Now I realise that you're just plain stupid."

"I should've realised the relationship was dead what do you made me sign a 14 page waiver before he gave me a valentines card!"

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Throwing out unwanted Romances.

"You're dead to me."

"Your online profile mentioned you've had a near-death experience."

"It was love at second sight...The first time I saw him I didn't know he was rich."

"...Now they're playing tape number 7710K. It starts with Johnny Mathis hits arranged for strings and woodwind, then goes on to Mister Henry Mancini. After that..."

"So where are those, 'not if you were the last guy on earth!' wise-cracks now?"

"Apparently, those phones are more potent than my arrows."

When Lawyers Propose

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"I used to say meeting you was like winning the lottery. Now, I'm just grateful for a rollover."

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

The head of the legal department gets married

"I'm at an age where romantic comedies make me want to throw up."

"Darlin', you're filthy rich. How about I clean you up a bit."

"Before I give you my answer I just gotta be sure you ain't one of them nasty olee-garks I've been hearing about."

How to get rid of a French lover...

"We'll always hate Paris."