Romantic Cynics Gifts

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Always Compatible

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'Marry you? What's in it for me?'

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"We'll always hate Paris."

'Yes, but at least I don't fake the whole relationship.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

'I've been faking orgasms while he's been faking the long-term relationship.'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

The Devil breaking up with girlfriend, says: 'It's not you, it's me.'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

'Yeah, I think we have a future together. Would I write you a post-dated check for my half of the dinner if I didn't?'