Lonely Heart Club Gifts

"I could really use some mail companionship."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

ONE HORSE TOWN

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

Drinking Companions

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"Well, one good thing about summer...is I work more hours and make a lot more money. The bad thing is...I have a lot more free time to spend it all."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

Snub Marine

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'Is this the Lonely Hearts Club?'

"I wonder why the kids named me Mourinho? I hope it's not because I'll only last a few days..."

Cricket wife's revenge 9

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"Plenty of fish"

'I HATE Spring cleaning!'

'Some people don't like working from home - they go a bit mad with the solitude.But I've got you, haven't I Mr Floppity Ears.'

"sometimes it gets lonely being self employed and working alone."

First singles bar! 'I ain't married!'

'I told you that nobody would show up.'

Liverpool FC Chairman - "It's Man United, they want to know if we've any trophy cabinets going spare."

'This next song's for anyone who's feeling a little lonely right now.'

'I had a very lonely childhood. I was an only twin.'

Day 14 of self-isolation and the cat still hadn't responded to any attempts at conversation.

Hunters And Gatherers Without Partners.

Arsene Wenger's piggy bank and Andre Villas Boas.

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

'Poor fellow. One really is the loneliest number.'

I'm looking to settle down with a nice light bulb, should I try the internet.