Broken Heart Club Member Gifts

"I was so busy worrying that she only loved me because of my money that I lost her AND the money!"

'What zip code are we in now?'

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

ONE HORSE TOWN

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

Drinking Companions

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"Oh no! You, again?"

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

The Invention of Country Music.

Snub Marine

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

'It feels great now, but you will see when it's pulled out.'

"Recently separated."

"Don't cry over her. There will be plenty of fish out of the sea."

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

Days of Christmas.

'I HATE Spring cleaning!'

'Is this the Lonely Hearts Club?'

"My ship didn't sink. I swam here from New Jersey to get into The Guinness Book of World Records."

'This time you hold the nail!'

'Braveheart is one of your ancestors? And why the heck don't you look like Mel Gibson??'

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.