Breakup Survivor Club Gifts

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Speed Dating for Turtles

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

Unsuccessful board meeting.

Meeting not going well?"

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

violence in workplace

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

The breakup

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

'And this chart shows our rate of growth.'