Heartbreak Veteran Gifts

"Recently separated."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Blues artis's daily list

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

'How long have you two been married?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Oh no! You, again?"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

The Invention of Country Music.

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

"I figured, better the devil you know."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Don't cry over her. There will be plenty of fish out of the sea."