Heartbreak Gifts

Injured heart.

Breaking up was hard. The rejection, loss and emptiness. Not to mention all the nasty butterscotch ripple effects.

'This was my favorite song back when I had feelings.'

"I'm afraid that any expenses incurred attempting to repair a broken heart are not tax-deductible."

Cardiology

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

Tears

'Just so you know, the spoiler alert didn't ease the pain of being dumped.'

We can still be friends cafe.

After the breakup, Humpty's girlfriend went to pieces. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't help her get it back together again.

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

'It feels great now, but you will see when it's pulled out.'

It must be love, thought Carl, because, hemorrhoids don't hurt this bad....

Her tears flowed like wine.

Sawing Down Tree

"Don't cry over her. There will be plenty of fish out of the sea."

Unrequited Love

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Blues artis's daily list

"I know. I miss him, too."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Grief counselling'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'