Heartbreak Philosopher Gifts

Memories that still sear

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

Blues artis's daily list

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"It's not you-it's me."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'I could have made money in the stock market if I had only found the right 'How to invest' book...'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

'You're lucky. At least you know your troubles aren't psychosomatic!'

"Oh no! You, again?"

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

"Love comes and goes, Janet, but this is true co-dependency!"

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

The Invention of Country Music.

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."