Breakup Philosopher Gifts

"It's not you-it's me."

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!

'Sure there are plenty of other fish in the sea...but she was a sucker!'

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

'You don't have to say anything...It's written all over your face...'

Emotional Baggage Carousel. (Women waiting for bags appear angry and upset.)

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

"This won't work, Josh. I'm bottled water. You're tap."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

"According to the survey,retention is helped by training and money...There's no mention of chaining staff to their desks."

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"I can't continue working these hours...I feel as though I'm missing Michael's childhood...." "His name's Mark!"

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

'All I hope for is that the weekdays don't ruin my weekend.'

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

Drinks: Tea, Coffee, Choco, Scalded Leg, Wet Shoe, Half a Cup, No Cup.

'I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me!'

"Johnson, what are you doing? It's not time for your break yet."

"I think it's time I left Mr. Right!"