Post-breakup Philosopher Gifts

'Well, so much for marriage on the honor system.'

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"It's not you-it's me."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

"Love comes and goes, Janet, but this is true co-dependency!"

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

You are cordially invited...

"I work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to resign."

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

"According to the survey,retention is helped by training and money...There's no mention of chaining staff to their desks."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

Siggy

"She's high maintenance. I love her."