Post-breakup Philosopher Pillows

'Well, so much for marriage on the honor system.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"It's not you-it's me."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

Romance is more difficult for robots than it is for people. Sure, we can check for compatibility by comparing operating systems but until battery technology improves, all our relationships will be on-again, off-again. Worst of all, we can't handle passion. When the sparks are flying a romance blowup will follow.

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"Love comes and goes, Janet, but this is true co-dependency!"

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

You are cordially invited...

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

"I work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to resign."

"According to the survey,retention is helped by training and money...There's no mention of chaining staff to their desks."

"This won't work, Josh. I'm bottled water. You're tap."

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."