Post-breakup Reflection Pillows

Boyfriend Shirt.

I thought he was a good listener, but he's just dumb.

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Large Emoticon Collider

Marriage least expected to last...

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"You've got to learn to let go."

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

A woman buries her broken heart

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

"You came back!"

'Then, just when I lost twenty pounds and was voted tops in my gym class he ran off with the fatso next door!'

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

"Okay, these are the documents we need to sue your ex for child support, and if we can convince the court it's not too out off line, to have the words, 'lying, cheating b*****d' tattooed on his forehead."

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"

"Don't ever give up, Marjorie. I never thought I'd meet anyone either."