Post-breakup Reflection Pillows

Boyfriend Shirt.

I thought he was a good listener, but he's just dumb.

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Large Emoticon Collider

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Marriage least expected to last...

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"You've got to learn to let go."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"I think we should each try other beers."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know who every one of you are anymore."

A woman buries her broken heart

"You came back!"

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

"I need a hug."

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

'Then, just when I lost twenty pounds and was voted tops in my gym class he ran off with the fatso next door!'

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

"Okay, these are the documents we need to sue your ex for child support, and if we can convince the court it's not too out off line, to have the words, 'lying, cheating b*****d' tattooed on his forehead."

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.