Post-breakup Survivor Pillows

"The only thing that I like about my 'Ex' is, precisely, that he is my 'Ex'."

"Despite breaking up they still had pet names for each other."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"Oh no! You, again?"

Ereptile Dysfunction

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"You've got to learn to let go."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

A woman buries her broken heart

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"