Break-up Survivor Pillows

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

Bob knew it was over when she stopped returning his calls. Still, the card was a nice touch.

"Recently separated."

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

"I packed all your stuff."

Jake's Tattoos...we specialize in tattoos over tattoos...before and after.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'Man's best friend. Hah!'

I'm breaking up with Jeremy. He's a high maintenance guy whose service warranty has just expired.

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

Ereptile Dysfunction

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"Oh no! You, again?"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

A woman buries her broken heart

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'