Relationship Survivor Pillows

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"When he decided to take an early retirement, I took an early divorce."

'Thought he was God's gift to women. Fortunately, I was able to re-gift him.'

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

'Frankly, my dear, you can keep the dam.'

'As we parted, my hubby said that he couldn't live without me. . . I asked him to do the honourable deed.'

"Typical! Just because you can't have your own way"

'I'm advising you to have it removed and stay away from your ex-wife.'

Revenge Pawn Shop: "They specialise in engagement rings."

"The neck cone bothers you? But you knew I was obsessive before we dated."

"Hey, isn't that your "ex" over the road?"

"I'd invite you in, but I'm still cleaning up a few remnants from my previous relationship."

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

Generation Ex.

"Oh no! You, again?"

Ereptile Dysfunction

'I wish we'd never invented talking — nagging was so much easier to take in sign language.'

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'