Relationship Survivors Pillows

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

"I'm leaving you, Brian - you'll forget me in time. . . well, probably not."

"...until death do you a favor."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Oh no! You, again?"

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'I wish we'd never invented talking — nagging was so much easier to take in sign language.'

Generation Ex.

Ereptile Dysfunction

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Recently separated."

'I'd like to sample your house wine...Hmm, do you have something that stains a little better?'

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

Days of Christmas.

"Is there room for me?"