Relationship Survivalist Pillows

'I wish we'd never invented talking — nagging was so much easier to take in sign language.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Desert Island Meals.

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"You owe me five bucks."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

"...until death do you a favor."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Arf! Arf!'

Office worker pushing a pile of papers on trolley.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"