Breakup Theorist Pillows

"You've made me very happy, but now I want to be miserable again."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"It's not you-it's me."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

Ereptile Dysfunction

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"Recently separated."

Quantum Breakup

"This won't work, Josh. I'm bottled water. You're tap."

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'I don't think that it's going to work out between us.'

"I think it's time I left Mr. Right!"

"The bathroom window is wide open. I don't think she's coming back."

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'This relationship just isn't working. I'm out.'