Breakup Theorist Gifts

"You've made me very happy, but now I want to be miserable again."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"It's not you-it's me."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

Ereptile Dysfunction

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

Quantum Breakup

"Recently separated."

"This won't work, Josh. I'm bottled water. You're tap."

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'I don't think that it's going to work out between us.'

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

What's the best way to avoid getting stuck in a serious relationship? Little buddy … Aren't you putting the cart before the horse? You haven't even had a date in … what it it, two years? … Which means I'm due for an extra-clingy relationship any day now. Well ... I suppose that is in keeping with Randy's postulate #498 ... The cling-i-tude of a relationship is directly proportional to the amount of time it takes to get into it. Is there any formula for avoiding that? Maybe if I carry the one?

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!

"I think it's time I left Mr. Right!"

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

'This relationship just isn't working. I'm out.'