Ironic Breakup Aficionado Gifts

"Just don't come crawling back to me when I start becoming visible."

"It's not you-it's me."

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

'I'm sorry Daisy. Things can never be the same between us!'

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

"This won't work, Josh. I'm bottled water. You're tap."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

'I got custody of the kids.'

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

'This relationship just isn't working. I'm out.'

'I'm sorry, Marvin, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"Look, I'm very sorry Judy but I really feel I need a new porpoise in life."

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

'By this time next year you'll be with someone new. You'll tell her about today and laugh. You'll laugh that snorty little piggy laugh of yours. She'll throw you out too.'

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

"Let's face it, Diana. I'm not good enough for you, and vice versa."

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

"You've made me very happy, but now I want to be miserable again."

We got together during lockdown but it didn't work out

Emotional Baggage Carousel. (Women waiting for bags appear angry and upset.)

"Well, goodbye, Emily. It's May 19th. You may remember my having mentioned some time ago that I was going to leave you on May 19th."

"We're separated."

"I know there's plenty more fish in the sea, Arron, but your bait's too small to attract anything else."

"When will that woman get the message?? It's over!! I've left her!!"