Breakup Connoisseur Gifts

"It's over." "I'm outta here." "It's not you, it's me."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'Love me little, love me long.'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

"Once again, nobody's happy A true whine-whine situation."

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

'I know you like romantic things, so I built us this love-nest. Stuck together with my own spit.'

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."

'This dinner had everything necessary to make it perfect...Great food, candlelight, violinist... you clutching your chest after seeing the check.'

Wildlife Refuge

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

'Listen darling - they're playing our ring-tone!'

"I was going to wake you up with oral sex this morning, but you looked like you could use the extra sleep."

"It's an aggressive little wine with a smoky aftertaste and a hint of vanilla. Guaranteed to help you get your leg over!"

"I'm always recovering from the previous ten minutes of my existence."

'There's lots of fine,honest,upstanding young men out there and she takes up with a banker!'

Coffee Date

'Henry wore himself out courting me.'

'Got any women repellent?'

'Thier clean-up rate isn't very good...'

'I thought this was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

"When will that woman get the message?? It's over!! I've left her!!"