Divorce Connoisseur Gifts

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Love me little, love me long.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

Next Round Indicator

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'I know you like romantic things, so I built us this love-nest. Stuck together with my own spit.'

Man tries to remove a cocktail umbrella.

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

Spring Water

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

'What d'you mean - you've changed your minds?'

'This dinner had everything necessary to make it perfect...Great food, candlelight, violinist... you clutching your chest after seeing the check.'

Wildlife Refuge

"I'm married but I'm separated."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."

My Philosophy take #74

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

"...your ex-wife also mentions a gold filling."