Divorce Sitcom Enthusiast Gifts

'Oh, good. It's my ex-husband's alimony check.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

"...your ex-wife also mentions a gold filling."

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

THE EX-FILES, 'It's about people who have trouble with their former spouses.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

'I'm sorry you were found guilty.'

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

"Alimony is like paying off a car after you've crashed it."

Congratulations on your Divorce

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

'I'm divorcing you...and I want custody of the squids.'

'Can't we just get a divorce?'