Divorce Drama Aficionado Gifts

"...your ex-wife also mentions a gold filling."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

DIVORCE COURT, 'Not only did she get the house and the car, I also have to train my replacement.'

"Alimony is like paying off a car after you've crashed it."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

Woman and cats watching Nine Lives to Live.

Mistress Talking to Maid

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

"Do you have any get well cards for characters on soap operas?"

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

THE EX-FILES, 'It's about people who have trouble with their former spouses.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

'I'm sorry you were found guilty.'

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

"That's not a...'Sorry honey I burned the dinner' look. That's a...'I meant to burn the dinner and you're gonna eat it because you forgot our anniversary' look."

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

When Tia Carmen says... "Oh my god, no!" she really means... "They killed off my favorite telenovela character!"

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

'What are you saying?'