Divorce Saga Enthusiast Gifts

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

"...your ex-wife also mentions a gold filling."

THE EX-FILES, 'It's about people who have trouble with their former spouses.'

'I'm sorry you were found guilty.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

"Good memoir, but we're looking for something more candid. Like not-being-invited-home-ever-again-for-Thanksgiving candid."

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

"Alimony is like paying off a car after you've crashed it."

'I'm divorcing you...and I want custody of the squids.'

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

'My marriage is over. I gave that jerk the best hours of my life!'

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

In the old room

"We're separated."

'When Jane divorced me she let me keep my loin cloth.'

"It was a REALLY tough divorce. . . she got the hair!"

'Next item: who gets custody of the dog?'

'I'm a divorce lawyer. That helps a lot because as a sideline, I'm writing love poems.'